Faith and Family / Sean Gallagher

Being a parent is a prime way of learning on the path of humility

Being a father of five boys makes for a busy life. And as my sons range in age from 22 to 11, that busyness has gone on for a long time and will remain so for a while longer. My wife Cindy and I often find ourselves simply living one hectic day after another.

With the help of God’s grace, we’ve made faith a key part of our busy life of parenting. That’s helped us stayed grounded in what’s most important. And it’s strengthened our hope for the future of our family when hard days come, as they inevitably do, sometimes pretty frequently.

Because Cindy and I have been at this for a while now, it sometimes seems like we’ve been living the same life day after day for years. But I’m starting to notice more and more of the families in our parish whose parents are a good bit younger than Cindy and I, and whose children are babies and toddlers.

In fact, some of the parents we see are much closer in age to our oldest son than they are to our age.

While that makes me feel old at times, it doesn’t make me complacent and smug. Not once have I looked at the young parents around me wrestling rambunctious kids during Mass like Cindy and I did years ago, and think that I’m the grand old man with all of the answers to the questions they’re facing since I answered them time and time again years ago.

I’m too busy dealing with the challenges of my life as a father here and now to think like that.

When I was in those young parents’ place, say 15 to 20 years ago, I sometimes wondered what it would be like to be the more experienced parents sitting near Cindy, our young boys and me at Mass.

They looked so much less overwhelmed and so much more in control. And maybe they were. But sometimes looks can be deceiving.

I at least know that now as a more experienced parent.

If humility is a key virtue in our lives as followers of Christ, then I think God designed parenting as a prime way to learn it.

Humility leads believers to depend more and more concretely on the help of God to live out the vocation to which he has called them. I learned early on as a father that my mission was far beyond my capabilities alone. But, thanks to God’s grace, I’ve trusted that God is always there to help me to carry it out.

He sends his help to me most abundantly in Cindy, but also in the sacraments and a life of prayer and in the support and fellowship of our family and friends.

Humility also leads believers to a sense of awe at the wonders God works in our lives. When this happens, we see how small we are and how great God is.

As a father, I see this when seeds of faith and virtue Cindy and I planted in our sons start to blossom. Living virtuously and faithfully is hard enough for me on my own, let alone trying to form my sons to do the same. So, when I catch beautiful glimpses of my boys starting to do this, I know immediately in my heart that it’s a work of God before my eyes.

Parents living in humility before their children may be the best lesson that they can give them. In this, they give their children a living image of Christ, the ultimate model of humility who emptied himself of his divine glory to take on our broken humanity (see Phil 2:6-11).

Parents and children walking together the path of humility, though, is no reason for them to focus on their own or others’ shortcomings and failings. Instead, humility lived with the help of God’s grace comes with his promise that “whoever humbles himself will be exalted” (Mt 23:12). †