No ordinary Joe: Retiring St. Pat’s coach leaves lasting legacy
Wearing a jacket and one of his trademark neckties—a gift given to him by one of his teams—coach Joe Etling stands on the court at St. Patrick School in Terre Haute on April 24. Etling is retiring after coaching Irish basketball teams at the school for 17 years. (Photo by Mike Krokos)
By Mike Krokos
TERRE HAUTE—The heartfelt note from the military parent serving in Afghanistan still moves Joe Etling.
Yet it also reminds him of the blessings he had accumulated through his 17 years of coaching basketball at St. Patrick School in Terre Haute, a career that came to an end this season with his retirement.
“I just wanted to thank you for what you’ve done over the past two seasons for both the team and my daughter. I wish I could have been there to witness the season, but I am already looking forward to next year. … Judging from the little I was able to witness in person and what I’ve learned from e-mails, these girls have improved and my own daughter has improved beyond my imagination,” the parent wrote in the 2010 e-mail.
“She still needs skill work, but from the limited time she’s played, I’m very pleased with her improvement, and that improvement is a result of your work with her and the team.
“The most important thing you’ve taught this team is what it takes to win. They play hard, and they do not let the other teams walk all over them. They bounce back from adversity, and they do it as a team without emphasis on any one player.
“I love little signs of respect as you shake the other coach’s hand, displaying good sportsmanship, prayer before practice and the games, and applying a dress code for games days. I appreciate these values that will stick with these girls throughout their adulthood. I know my daughter has grown as both a player and a person under your tutelage. Thank you very much.”
Etling pauses as he puts the note down, searching for the right words to frame what the e-mail meant to him. He talks about the parent serving overseas—“in harm’s way, protecting our country, protecting our rights, including my own” and taking the time to send him the note.
“That humbles you, that he’s doing all he’s doing [and] thinks what you’re doing for his daughter is that meaningful, and enough for him to reach out and write that to you,” Etling says. “If anything, I’m the one getting a lot more out of it, in my opinion, than the kids are getting out of it.”
A reason to coach
Etling does not hesitate when asked about why he got into coaching.
“It was more selfish than anything. It gave me the opportunity to coach my own children,” he says. “It just kind of evolved more from the standpoint of really getting to work with great kids. That had a lot to do with the parents of the kids here, and the caliber of the kids in school here.”
Etling first coached biddy basketball—a league for preschool and kindergarten-age children—then began coaching the school teams at St. Patrick, a prekindergarten through eighth-grade school.
Over the years, the lawyer coached both boys and girls teams, though in recent seasons, he served as the seventh-and eighth-grade girls coach.
He and wife, Gretchen, who celebrated their 25th-wedding anniversary in April, have five children, and Joe coached all of them during his career at St. Patrick—Joey, 22; Mary Kate; 21; Danny, 19; Meaghan, 16; and Gretchen Anne, 14, who will graduate from St. Patrick’s eighth-grade class this year.
Teaching the fundamentals of basketball—and life
As a parent of two daughters who played basketball at St. Patrick School, Brian McMurtry knows about Etling’s coaching style. He admits he had a little more access than most parents because he was the unofficial scorekeeper for the team. He remembers the trademark green and white neckties, and the person who instructed on things beyond basketball.
“It was the life lessons, without question [that Etling taught]. He’s all about doing it right,” says McMurtry, whose daughters, Margaret Mary (a sophomore) and Emma Kate (a freshman) are students at Terre Haute North High School.
“When you really get behind the curtain, everything is about the kids and their experience and what are they getting out of it. It has very little to do with wins and losses, although he wins more than anybody I know.”
Patty Mauer has also seen Etling’s coaching firsthand. Her two daughters, Kristen and Laura, played for Etling at St. Patrick’s, and though their sport of choice was volleyball, she said their basketball skills improved under Etling’s tutelage.
“He took them to a level where they could have made the high school [basketball] team, I have no doubt,” says Mauer, who is assistant principal at St. Patrick School and also serves as athletic director. “It is just his focus and commitment, to pushing them, for making them strive [for] what is their best, and not settling for less.”
Etling, for his part, says he had a simple philosophy he shared with his players.
“I always tried to preach to the kids, and they buy into that, that we’re not all blessed with the same type of talent,” he says, “but get all you can out of your talent, and to carry that over, that … whatever you’re going to do in life, whether you’re going to be a teacher, you’re going to be a lawyer, you’re going to be a doctor, you’re going to be a priest, whatever you’re going to do, bring it every day, bring your best every day.”
He later adds, “I always try to talk about competing to the kids, as opposed to we’ve got to win this game.
“I try not to talk about winning as opposed to losing. My attitude has always been if you’re giving your best effort, then you are winners.”
Faith on the hardwood
Etling’s basketball teams may have practiced and played hard, but they also made time for prayer.
“Faith is woven through every minute” of time spent with Etling, McMurtry says.
Mauer agrees, adding “I just love when you could walk through the gym, and before they started practice, I’d see them at center court [praying]. I’d see them putting on their coats to go over to our adoration chapel before games. … He’s done it with every team.
“It’s kind of neat because I think that was the model for many of the coaches that are following him,” she continues. “I see it in our other coaches, but I don’t know if it would have necessarily happened on their own had they not witnessed it through Joe.”
Father Rick Ginther, pastor of St. Patrick Parish, appreciates faith being a hallmark of Etling’s coaching style, too.
“There is always a spiritual element to it. There’s prayer before games, there’s visits to the Blessed Sacrament chapel here—the balance he also sees between what they’re doing on the court and what they do in life as well as in school, it’s a whole package,” Father Ginther says. “It’s not just we’re going to play sports. It’s his genuine care for the athletes.”
The culture at St. Patrick makes faith come naturally—even through sports—Etling says.
“It’s an easy transition considering the kids are in school at St. Patrick’s, so obviously faith is important to the families that send their children here,” Etling says. “It seems to be a natural extension of that with athletics. I think that is important.”
A basketball family
There was the 2009 eighth-grade boys team winning the archdiocesan Catholic Youth Organization (CYO) basketball tournament—the first time they ever participated.
And the 2012 seventh-and eighth-grade girls team, which finished as runner-up in the archdiocesan CYO basketball tournament.
But ask Etling about the wins and losses, and he talks about the players and families who made his tenure at the school so enjoyable.
“In this day and age, obviously, we probably are real cautious talking about loving kids, and things of that nature, but I think you do develop those types of relationships where you really cherish those times, those moments,” he says.
“What I’ll miss the most is practicing with kids, not games, but when you get in the gym and practice. Some people think we’re probably in there having a concert instead of a basketball practice because I like to have music playing, and make it so kids can learn to do more than one thing at one time. … They should be able to listen to music, listen to me, and understand what they’re doing. It makes it fun for them, so those are the times you miss the most.
“When you see these kids [later in life], and they still call you coach, that’s, other than being called dad, I think that is as warming to your heart as you can have,” he adds.
A heartfelt goodbye
The 2012 St. Patrick’s girls team presented Etling with a yearbook of memories from their season. Inside were heartfelt letters of thanks from each player.
“They sang the national anthem before basketball games, we went out at Christmas and caroled at nursing homes, we went to a couple parishioners’ homes, we’d go to the supermarket and carol for the people,” Etling says.
“It was just their relationship with one another. There were girls that were on that particular team that weren’t superior athletes, and there were girls that were superior athletes on that team, but you would never know from the best player to the least talented player because of how they interacted and cared about each other.”
McMurtry adds the girls came up with the idea about writing letters to the coach.
“If you read those letters, I don’t think there is a basketball memory in them. It’s about the caroling, it’s about the dinners, it’s about going to the movies, it’s about practice and singing and dancing.”
Other former players, like Mike Eilbracht, remember a coach who taught them about much more than basketball.
“Coach Etling was by far a coach who taught his players the importance of a person’s character and team spirit above the fundamentals of the sport,” says Mike, who played for Etling in fourth through eighth grades—including on the 2009 CYO championship team—and just completed his freshman year at Indiana State in Terre Haute. “We believed his motto to be a champion at whatever we did in life. He shared his faith with us, and showed us that faith in yourself is winning the battle to conquer what you are to achieve.”
Mauer adds the St. Patrick community is thankful not only for Etling’s contributions, but also for his wife, Gretchen, who took the lead to get the cross country and track programs started at the school.
“The two of them really transported our sports program, to ‘let’s not settle for just what we have, let’s look beyond what we’ve been doing,’ ” Mauer says.
For Joe Etling, the basketball memories will last a lifetime.
“They were just special kids. That’s all I can say.” †
