Spring Marriage Supplement
Establishing a mission and core values helps couples prioritize family life at any stage
By Gabriela Ross
“Do you remember what led you to choose the person you married?”
I recently heard this question proposed as a way for families to discover their core values. The idea was that whatever values attracted you to your spouse begin to reveal what you value as a family, over other good things. These are the things that bring you together and help you to choose how you spend your time, talent and treasure.
In our archdiocesan Pre-Cana retreats for engaged couples, we spend some time talking about marriage as a mission, and the engaged couples have the opportunity to reflect on the mission of their marriage.
For the newly married couple with growing careers and many social engagements, knowing their family mission and values keeps them grounded and helps them decide what opportunities to seize and invitations to accept.
For the young family who is learning to stay afloat with the demands of little children, having clarity on why they are going through the hustle
day after day brings peace and purpose in the midst of growth.
For the family with older kids and increasing extracurricular demands, a mission and core values provide a measure for saying yes to good things and no to other good things that don’t fully align.
For grandparents, there is an opportunity to revisit family values and mission in light of new generations and decide how that mission will be lived out anew.
For those who are single and feeling called to marriage, reflecting on one’s own core values and looking for core values in a potential spouse will offer food for thought in the process of discernment, not just of marriage to one’s beloved, but of the family life that will be built together, by God’s grace.
Those who are married and have not been able to have children are especially called to consider the mission of their marriage, based on their core values, because every marriage is meant to be generously open to life and bear fruit. This is most tangibly seen in having and raising children, but it is also seen in the vocation of husband and wife as a family, to be the Church in the world and to embrace spiritual motherhood and spiritual fatherhood.
Couples who are baptized Christians and practicing Catholics have a common ground from which to form their family values and discern their mission. Couples who do not see eye-to-eye in matters of faith and morals will have greater challenges to be united in vision and make important decisions for their family life. The Church acknowledges this reality when Catholics marry non-Catholics by asking the Catholic parties if they understand their responsibility to practice their faith, baptize their children and raise them in the faith, even when the other parties are not participating.
Still, the question remains for all spouses: How did God lead you to the person you married, and what virtues did you see in each other that form the foundation for the mission that God has entrusted to your family life?
(Gabriela Ross is the director of the Office of Marriage and Family Life of the Archdiocese of Indianapolis. The Office of Marriage and Family Life exists to promote the vocation, restoration and mission of the family. She can be reached at gross@archindy.org or 317-592-4007.) †
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